It has been said that sharing is caring, but what about the things you aren’t knowingly sharing? This ranges from your significant other reading your texts over your shoulder to more serious offenses such as going through your personal accounts, phone, space, etc. without your knowledge. In a relationship, there has to be some boundaries in order to keep both of you from feeling like your privacy is being violated.
How does one determine these boundaries? Well, it’s simple: talk to your partner about what is and isn’t okay in regards to privacy. Doesn’t sound so simple? Well, try it anyway.
A discussion about privacy is one of the most important conversations you can have as a couple whether you have just started dating, cohabitating, or married for 10+ years. A single conversation now can prevent a more serious and devastating conversation down the road when one or both of you have had your privacy violated. It is easier to prevent than to repair. With that in mind, here is a list of things to think about and address before it is too late:
Cell Phones
When is it okay to go through your significant other’s phone without their knowledge? The answer should be never. Whether or not they have something to hide from you, it is more than likely that your significant other wouldn’t want you going through their phone without their knowledge. You may not be hiding anything on your phone (more than your obsession for cat memes), but you likely wouldn’t want your significant other going through your phone either.
If you’re in a relationship and you find your fingers itching to scroll through your significant other’s phone, there’s likely a much larger issue under the surface than just wanting to check up on them. Let’s be honest, the main reason to go through your significant other’s phone is because you want to see who they are talking to…because you think they might be cheating. If this is sounding all too familiar, it is time for you to take a step back and address what it is specifically that is making you feel this way about your partner and address that with them in person, not their phone.
Unless you both agree that your phones are open books to each other, so to speak, then assume they are off-limits without permission and without suspicion. Cohabitating couples may want to discuss whether or not it is acceptable to answer phone calls from specific people (i.e. your parents) if you are in the shower or otherwise unavailable. When in doubt if something is okay when it comes to your significant other’s cell phone, just leave it alone. They can always call whoever it is back.
Journals
Don’t ever go through your significant other’s journal. There is nothing you need or want to find in there. That is their personal space and it needs to be respected. End of story.
Don’t do anything with their email account without their permission and don’t be insulted if they don’t want to share an email account with you, grant you unlimited access to their account, etc. Even if they pulled up their email on your computer and left it open. Even if they saved their email password on your computer. Even if you use their computer, phone, tablet, spaceship, smart car, or what have you and it is just sitting there open asking you to scroll through its depths of history. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and do not go through their email without permission.
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