Author: kylefreelander

First dates can be stressful: You have found someone that you are interested in and are now participating in this sort of ritual called dating to get to know each other better. The desired first date is crowded with a mix of emotions from anticipation, dread, nerves, excitement, lust, and much more, making it one of the most stressful dates of them all. This is the date that determines if there will be more outings with this person or if things will just fizzle out and you both will continue on with your lives like nothing out of the ordinary happened. Here’s a list to help you ace that first date and, hopefully, get a chance at a second, fourth, fifth, eighth and twenty-second one:

1. Choose a date location where the two of you have a chance to actually talk. Meeting at a movie theater, sitting through a two and a half hour movie, and then parting ways is not ideal for really getting to know a person. Try a restaurant, coffee shop, or another location that encourages conversation. Worried that neither one of you will have something to say? Pick a location that will spark conversation such as a museum or the zoo so you will always have something to talk about.
2. On that note, pick an appropriate time for your first date. Hint: the middle of the night does not fall into this category.
3. Don’t spend a ridiculous amount of time getting ready. It’s important to feel good about yourself going into the date, part of which stems from looking your best, but there is no need to spend all day getting ready. This person wanted to go on a date with you, not a version of you with clown make up or hair spiked up with so much gel that it doubles a weapon. Stay practical, and stay true to yourself.
4. Let the other person talk just as much as you do. First dates are notorious for a lot of “me, me, me,” conversations as you are likely just getting to know each other, or at least getting to know each other in a different manner. Share the floor so you a) don’t come off as a narcissist b) learn something about the other person as well and c) so you actually have a chance to test your compatibility.
5. Put your phone down. Seriously.

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While it seems like fighting in a relationship is a bad thing, not fighting can be even worse. Fighting is healthy in love under the right circumstances (i.e. when you are not constantly fighting and, when you do fight, fighting fair). Whether this is your first fight as a couple or, well, your twentieth, there are some simple rules to remember when you are fighting with the one you love.

Do not bring up every other past argument or issue the two of you have had in the past. You need to focus on what is going on now, not rehash old issues that (were hopefully) already dealt with. Past issues are not ammunition for your current argument.

Do not insult each other. Remember: deep down the two of you love each other. Hearing the one you love say something insulting about you (or you saying something insulting about the person you love) only makes things worse. Plus, it is impossible to “un-hear” such things. Think before you speak.

On that note, do not name call or use profanity. Be respectful of your significant other and expect the same from them. These childish tactics get you nowhere.

Do not point fingers. While it may be clear to you that they were in the wrong, this will not help move things forward. This just makes your partner feel worse and keeps you and your argument right where you are. You are aiming for a discussion of the issue here; pointing fingers is just a tactic for stalling and placing blame…neither of which are fair nor are going to resolve your issue.

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There comes a time in any relationship where you realize things have changed. Maybe you notice that you don’t go out as much as you used to, dates are less romantic or even nonexistent, and conversations aren’t as thrilling. In general, the honeymoon period is over and now you find that your relationship is a little lackluster and you feel taken for granted. In small doses, that’s normal. However, there is no need for you to stay that way! Here are ways to be happier in your current relationship:

Go out on dates with your significant other on a regular basis. With everything going on in your lives at work or with your family/kids, it’s important that you take time to appreciate each other. But don’t just go out to dinner and sit across the table from each other in silence as you mentally go through your to-do list for the umpteenth time or sift through Facebook on your phone. Go out and act like a couple. Sit on the same side of the booth, go somewhere romantic, watch the sunset and stay out until sunrise…most importantly though, be proud to be seen with your significant other…and make sure they know it.

Whenever possible, go to bed at the same time, even if one of you wakes up earlier than the other to get things done.

Express your needs to your partner and listen when they tell you theirs. Act accordingly.

Hold hands when you walk or at least walk next to each other. It’s about spending time together, not following each other around like lost puppies. You’re out together so be together.

Put your phone down and focus on your significant other.

Create and develop common interests…even if it’s just a T.V. show you two watch together (although ideally your interests will spread outside of the living room/family room/bathroom/ conservatory/ whatever room your T.V. is in).

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It happens. You fall in love and you fall, well, hard. Despite how much time has passed since the split or even the who, the whys, or the hows of the break up itself, there is still a good chance that one or both of you is hung up on what could have been. Being stuck on the relationship that failed could keeps you from moving forward in your life and, ultimately, makes you unavailable to anyone else. So here is the big question: Are you over your ex?

Here is a list of signs that you are NOT over your ex yet:

Their Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Goodreads, or some combination thereof is constantly pulled up on your screen. You find yourself eager to hit refresh and study their latest posts for insights into their new life or clues for how to win them back.

You constantly talk about them even though all of your friends are sick of hearing about him/her. You can’t help it–they are so fascinating!

If they were to call you, you would pick up right away regardless of what you are doing. After all, the wedding will still be going on when you reenter the church. Same with texting. If you would mess up your wet mani or crush your chest mid bench press in order to reply to their text right away, you are so not over them.

You offer to walk their dog, house sit, clean, cook, or what have you…for free. Worse yet, for “fun.”

Instead of ending with a goodnight kiss or a plan to hang out again, your dates tend to end with the other person storming off because you, yet again, have called them by your ex’s name. You probably also spent all night telling them about said ex and comparing them accordingly. Tsk tsk.

You drive by their house even though it is out of the way. You tell yourself you’re “just wondering if they’re home” or “you enjoy the drive” or something equally unconvincing, even to yourself.

Read the rest on Heyy App’s blog!