Category: Dating/Relationships

Leo Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Now, as the lesser famous and entirely made up Leo Toldyouastory wrote in a blog for Heyy App, “Break ups are difficult; every break up is difficult in its own way.” This is true: your break up is unique to you. However, the healing process after a break up is much the same regardless of the way in which the break up came around. Ice cream.

I’m kidding, people. Here are some real tips for picking up the pieces and moving on after a break up, courtesy of Leo Toldyouastory (in conjunction with Kyle Freelander and her little puppy dog, too):

Cut all communication ties. The fact is that your ex used to be your person and, for a while at least, you need to get used to life without them in the picture. There may come a time down the road where the two of you can be friends (read: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? ), but right now is not that time. Right now both of you need space from each other to allow your romantic feelings to subside and to start the healing process. Remaining friends or trying to fall into friendship with them too soon after a break up can result in even more pain on the road. Right now, focus on you. Just you.

In the wild world of social media, you need to befriend the delete button. Delete your relationship status, your cutesy couple photos, and, most importantly, your friendship/following with them. What if you don’t delete your connection to them and just promise not to communicate with them? Is that good enough? No. Inevitably, they are going to post something on their end that makes you upset whether it ends up being a picture of them with their arm around someone else, a status about how excited they are for their date tonight, a tweet with a link to their online dating profile, begrudging vague comments about someone who could sound like you or could be twisted into someone who sounds like you, or even something simple like a post about the coffee they got this morning that is totally the coffee the two of you used to get together. You get the idea. Delete, delete, delete, and repeat.

Spend time with your friends! These are the people that can help you get your mind off of your ex or listen to you vent accordingly. They’ll go out with you when you need a distraction and straight up tell you when you are being dumb about the whole situation. You need them.

Read the rest on Heyy App’s blog!

It usually happens by accident. You don’t seek this person out. It is more likely that you are trying to fill a void you may not have known you even had. One day you find yourself chatting to the attractive new face in the office and the next you find yourself so drawn to them that you have regular lunch dates and share intimate details about your life…including problems you may be having in your relationship. But this is all innocent enough, right? Think again. Here are some signs that you are having an affair of the heart and what it means for your relationship with your significant other:

Signs you are having an emotional affair:

You are always excited to see them even though you see them quite often.

You start dressing up more around them in hopes that they will notice.

They are the person you turn to BEFORE you even turn to your partner (IF you even turn to your partner).

You find yourself confiding in them…even more than you confide in your own partner.

You find yourself talking about them all of the time to your friends or even to your partner. With your partner, you find yourself leaving out bits and pieces of the story because you know your partner might get suspicious.

Conversely, you find yourself purposefully NOT mentioning them to your friends or partner.

You are flirting with them and they don’t shut it down. (And hey, you both kind of like it)

They are flirting with you and you don’t shut it down. (No, they are not just being friendly)

You go for lunch or dinner regularly. You tend not to tell your partner.

On more than one occasion, you have fantasized about being with this person.

You feel like you have something to hide from your partner.

…..

Does having an emotional affair mean you don’t love your partner? What do you do now? Read the rest of this post on Heyy App’s blog!

After a break up, it can be tempting to jump right into your next relationship –even if you might not actually be ready for it. Before diving in, take a breath and truly think about whether or not you are ready for something new. Here are a few signs you might not be ready just yet:

You find yourself keeping tabs on your ex via social media, shared friends, newspaper clippings (wait, do people read those still?), and by any other means. If you are this eager to figure out what your ex is up to, you are not ready to be in a relationship with someone new. This need to know everything about your ex even though you are no longer together is a sign that you have not moved on and, therefore, have lingering feelings you need to sort out before you are ready for someone new. (Read: Signs You Are Not Over Your Ex)

Going off of this idea, if you find yourself constantly talking about your ex, you are also not ready to move on. No one wants to feel like they are going to be compared to your ex or hear about all of the great times you two had together when they are trying to start something new with you. Save yourselves the trouble.

Time management is already an issue for you…possibly even the cause of your last relationship failing. If you find yourself constantly busy with work, friends, family, organizing parades, saving pandas, brewing beer, bird watching…then you might not have time to give to someone new, and that can only end badly for you both.

Read the rest of this post on Heyy App’s blog!

It has been said that sharing is caring, but what about the things you aren’t knowingly sharing? This ranges from your significant other reading your texts over your shoulder to more serious offenses such as going through your personal accounts, phone, space, etc. without your knowledge. In a relationship, there has to be some boundaries in order to keep both of you from feeling like your privacy is being violated.

How does one determine these boundaries? Well, it’s simple: talk to your partner about what is and isn’t okay in regards to privacy. Doesn’t sound so simple? Well, try it anyway.

A discussion about privacy is one of the most important conversations you can have as a couple whether you have just started dating, cohabitating, or married for 10+ years. A single conversation now can prevent a more serious and devastating conversation down the road when one or both of you have had your privacy violated. It is easier to prevent than to repair. With that in mind, here is a list of things to think about and address before it is too late:

Cell Phones

When is it okay to go through your significant other’s phone without their knowledge? The answer should be never. Whether or not they have something to hide from you, it is more than likely that your significant other wouldn’t want you going through their phone without their knowledge. You may not be hiding anything on your phone (more than your obsession for cat memes), but you likely wouldn’t want your significant other going through your phone either.

If you’re in a relationship and you find your fingers itching to scroll through your significant other’s phone, there’s likely a much larger issue under the surface than just wanting to check up on them. Let’s be honest, the main reason to go through your significant other’s phone is because you want to see who they are talking to…because you think they might be cheating. If this is sounding all too familiar, it is time for you to take a step back and address what it is specifically that is making you feel this way about your partner and address that with them in person, not their phone.

Unless you both agree that your phones are open books to each other, so to speak, then assume they are off-limits without permission and without suspicion. Cohabitating couples may want to discuss whether or not it is acceptable to answer phone calls from specific people (i.e. your parents) if you are in the shower or otherwise unavailable. When in doubt if something is okay when it comes to your significant other’s cell phone, just leave it alone. They can always call whoever it is back.

Journals

Don’t ever go through your significant other’s journal. There is nothing you need or want to find in there. That is their personal space and it needs to be respected. End of story.

Email

Don’t do anything with their email account without their permission and don’t be insulted if they don’t want to share an email account with you, grant you unlimited access to their account, etc. Even if they pulled up their email on your computer and left it open. Even if they saved their email password on your computer. Even if you use their computer, phone, tablet, spaceship, smart car, or what have you and it is just sitting there open asking you to scroll through its depths of history. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and do not go through their email without permission.

Read the rest of this post on Heyy App’s blog!

First dates can be stressful: You have found someone that you are interested in and are now participating in this sort of ritual called dating to get to know each other better. The desired first date is crowded with a mix of emotions from anticipation, dread, nerves, excitement, lust, and much more, making it one of the most stressful dates of them all. This is the date that determines if there will be more outings with this person or if things will just fizzle out and you both will continue on with your lives like nothing out of the ordinary happened. Here’s a list to help you ace that first date and, hopefully, get a chance at a second, fourth, fifth, eighth and twenty-second one:

1. Choose a date location where the two of you have a chance to actually talk. Meeting at a movie theater, sitting through a two and a half hour movie, and then parting ways is not ideal for really getting to know a person. Try a restaurant, coffee shop, or another location that encourages conversation. Worried that neither one of you will have something to say? Pick a location that will spark conversation such as a museum or the zoo so you will always have something to talk about.
2. On that note, pick an appropriate time for your first date. Hint: the middle of the night does not fall into this category.
3. Don’t spend a ridiculous amount of time getting ready. It’s important to feel good about yourself going into the date, part of which stems from looking your best, but there is no need to spend all day getting ready. This person wanted to go on a date with you, not a version of you with clown make up or hair spiked up with so much gel that it doubles a weapon. Stay practical, and stay true to yourself.
4. Let the other person talk just as much as you do. First dates are notorious for a lot of “me, me, me,” conversations as you are likely just getting to know each other, or at least getting to know each other in a different manner. Share the floor so you a) don’t come off as a narcissist b) learn something about the other person as well and c) so you actually have a chance to test your compatibility.
5. Put your phone down. Seriously.

Read the rest of this post on Heyy App’s blog!

While it seems like fighting in a relationship is a bad thing, not fighting can be even worse. Fighting is healthy in love under the right circumstances (i.e. when you are not constantly fighting and, when you do fight, fighting fair). Whether this is your first fight as a couple or, well, your twentieth, there are some simple rules to remember when you are fighting with the one you love.

Do not bring up every other past argument or issue the two of you have had in the past. You need to focus on what is going on now, not rehash old issues that (were hopefully) already dealt with. Past issues are not ammunition for your current argument.

Do not insult each other. Remember: deep down the two of you love each other. Hearing the one you love say something insulting about you (or you saying something insulting about the person you love) only makes things worse. Plus, it is impossible to “un-hear” such things. Think before you speak.

On that note, do not name call or use profanity. Be respectful of your significant other and expect the same from them. These childish tactics get you nowhere.

Do not point fingers. While it may be clear to you that they were in the wrong, this will not help move things forward. This just makes your partner feel worse and keeps you and your argument right where you are. You are aiming for a discussion of the issue here; pointing fingers is just a tactic for stalling and placing blame…neither of which are fair nor are going to resolve your issue.

Read the rest of this post on Heyy App’s blog!

There comes a time in any relationship where you realize things have changed. Maybe you notice that you don’t go out as much as you used to, dates are less romantic or even nonexistent, and conversations aren’t as thrilling. In general, the honeymoon period is over and now you find that your relationship is a little lackluster and you feel taken for granted. In small doses, that’s normal. However, there is no need for you to stay that way! Here are ways to be happier in your current relationship:

Go out on dates with your significant other on a regular basis. With everything going on in your lives at work or with your family/kids, it’s important that you take time to appreciate each other. But don’t just go out to dinner and sit across the table from each other in silence as you mentally go through your to-do list for the umpteenth time or sift through Facebook on your phone. Go out and act like a couple. Sit on the same side of the booth, go somewhere romantic, watch the sunset and stay out until sunrise…most importantly though, be proud to be seen with your significant other…and make sure they know it.

Whenever possible, go to bed at the same time, even if one of you wakes up earlier than the other to get things done.

Express your needs to your partner and listen when they tell you theirs. Act accordingly.

Hold hands when you walk or at least walk next to each other. It’s about spending time together, not following each other around like lost puppies. You’re out together so be together.

Put your phone down and focus on your significant other.

Create and develop common interests…even if it’s just a T.V. show you two watch together (although ideally your interests will spread outside of the living room/family room/bathroom/ conservatory/ whatever room your T.V. is in).

Read the rest of this post on Heyy App’s blog!

It happens. You fall in love and you fall, well, hard. Despite how much time has passed since the split or even the who, the whys, or the hows of the break up itself, there is still a good chance that one or both of you is hung up on what could have been. Being stuck on the relationship that failed could keeps you from moving forward in your life and, ultimately, makes you unavailable to anyone else. So here is the big question: Are you over your ex?

Here is a list of signs that you are NOT over your ex yet:

Their Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Goodreads, or some combination thereof is constantly pulled up on your screen. You find yourself eager to hit refresh and study their latest posts for insights into their new life or clues for how to win them back.

You constantly talk about them even though all of your friends are sick of hearing about him/her. You can’t help it–they are so fascinating!

If they were to call you, you would pick up right away regardless of what you are doing. After all, the wedding will still be going on when you reenter the church. Same with texting. If you would mess up your wet mani or crush your chest mid bench press in order to reply to their text right away, you are so not over them.

You offer to walk their dog, house sit, clean, cook, or what have you…for free. Worse yet, for “fun.”

Instead of ending with a goodnight kiss or a plan to hang out again, your dates tend to end with the other person storming off because you, yet again, have called them by your ex’s name. You probably also spent all night telling them about said ex and comparing them accordingly. Tsk tsk.

You drive by their house even though it is out of the way. You tell yourself you’re “just wondering if they’re home” or “you enjoy the drive” or something equally unconvincing, even to yourself.

Read the rest on Heyy App’s blog!

Online profiles present people with one of the most tempting opportunities: a chance to “become” someone else. In other words, online profiles are littered with lies. These range from padding physical descriptions to pretending to be single to using old pictures to making up hobbies and interests and everything in between. With each click of the mouse and tap on the keyboard, users of these profiles have the opportunity to revamp their life by embellishing the truth…at your expense.

So what can we do to find love in a sea of falsified profiles? Well, just sit back and hope for the best. Just kidding. Sort of. Ultimately, you have to take every profile for what it’s worth: a mere glimpse of a possible person…a sort of abstract painting. This dating profile is not nor will ever be a full coherent picture until you meet in person, false information or not.

But what can you do to weed out the liars before wasting your time on an in-person meet only to find out they are two feet shorter, twelve years older, and three kids deeper in life than their profile suggests? Well, here is a place for us all to start:

Is their relationship status true? You would hope that a person on a dating site would be single, but that isn’t always the case. Most people do this to gain more interest in their profile for means of flirting, general attention, or even just for sport. This is one of those lies that will eventually come out on its own through time and conversation (ideally they will fess up to the truth themselves). Or you casually Google them and find their wedding registry from a few months ago.

Thinking that the person might be padding (or un-padding) their height, weight, build, etc.? For this one, it might be safe just to assume that they are always going to be off by a little bit. After all, people are not exactly reliable when it comes to self-reporting, and self-image is no exception. This is where the pictures come in handy, so long as they are current.

Read the rest on Heyy App’s Blog!