Articles about relationships, Dating/Relationships

Dating: Privacy in Relationships

It has been said that sharing is caring, but what about the things you aren’t knowingly sharing? This ranges from your significant other reading your texts over your shoulder to more serious offenses such as going through your personal accounts, phone, space, etc. without your knowledge. In a relationship, there has to be some boundaries in order to keep both of you from feeling like your privacy is being violated.

How does one determine these boundaries? Well, it’s simple: talk to your partner about what is and isn’t okay in regards to privacy. Doesn’t sound so simple? Well, try it anyway.

spying on your boyfriend or girlfriend

A discussion about privacy is one of the most important conversations you can have as a couple whether you have just started dating, cohabitating, or married for 10+ years. A single conversation now can prevent a more serious and devastating conversation down the road when one or both of you have had your privacy violated. It is easier to prevent than to repair. With that in mind, here is a list of things to think about and address before it is too late:

Cell Phones

When is it okay to go through your significant other’s phone without their knowledge? The answer should be never. Whether or not they have something to hide from you, it is more than likely that your significant other wouldn’t want you going through their phone without their knowledge. You may not be hiding anything on your phone (more than your obsession for cat memes), but you likely wouldn’t want your significant other going through your phone either.

If you’re in a relationship and you find your fingers itching to scroll through your significant other’s phone, there’s likely a much larger issue under the surface than just wanting to check up on them. Let’s be honest, the main reason to go through your significant other’s phone is because you want to see who they are talking to…because you think they might be cheating. If this is sounding all too familiar, it is time for you to take a step back and address what it is specifically that is making you feel this way about your partner and address that with them in person, not their phone.

Unless you both agree that your phones are open books to each other, so to speak, then assume they are off-limits without permission and without suspicion. Cohabitating couples may want to discuss whether or not it is acceptable to answer phone calls from specific people (i.e. your parents) if you are in the shower or otherwise unavailable. When in doubt if something is okay when it comes to your significant other’s cell phone, just leave it alone. They can always call whoever it is back.

checking your boyfriend's or girlfriend's phone

Journals

Don’t ever go through your significant other’s journal. There is nothing you need or want to find in there. That is their personal space and it needs to be respected. End of story.

Email

Don’t do anything with their email account without their permission and don’t be insulted if they don’t want to share an email account with you, grant you unlimited access to their account, etc. Even if they pulled up their email on your computer and left it open. Even if they saved their email password on your computer. Even if you use their computer, phone, tablet, spaceship, smart car, or what have you and it is just sitting there open asking you to scroll through its depths of history. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and do not go through their email without permission.

Read the rest of this post on Heyy App’s blog!

snooping

Articles about relationships, Dating/Relationships

Dating: How to Have a Successful First Date

First dates can be stressful: You have found someone that you are interested in and are now participating in this sort of ritual called dating to get to know each other better. The desired first date is crowded with a mix of emotions from anticipation, dread, nerves, excitement, lust, and much more, making it one of the most stressful dates of them all. This is the date that determines if there will be more outings with this person or if things will just fizzle out and you both will continue on with your lives like nothing out of the ordinary happened. Here’s a list to help you ace that first date and, hopefully, get a chance at a second, fourth, fifth, eighth and twenty-second one:

dating advice

  1. Choose a date location where the two of you have a chance to actually talk. Meeting at a movie theater, sitting through a two and a half hour movie, and then parting ways is not ideal for really getting to know a person. Try a restaurant, coffee shop, or another location that encourages conversation. Worried that neither one of you will have something to say? Pick a location that will spark conversation such as a museum or the zoo so you will always have something to talk about.
  2. On that note, pick an appropriate time for your first date. Hint: the middle of the night does not fall into this category.
  3. Don’t spend a ridiculous amount of time getting ready. It’s important to feel good about yourself going into the date, part of which stems from looking your best, but there is no need to spend all day getting ready. This person wanted to go on a date with you, not a version of you with clown make up or hair spiked up with so much gel that it doubles a weapon. Stay practical, and stay true to yourself.
  4. Let the other person talk just as much as you do. First dates are notorious for a lot of “me, me, me,” conversations as you are likely just getting to know each other, or at least getting to know each other in a different manner. Share the floor so you a) don’t come off as a narcissist b) learn something about the other person as well and c) so you actually have a chance to test your compatibility.
  5. Put your phone down. Seriously.

Read the rest of this post on Heyy App’s blog!

perfect first date

Articles about relationships, Dating/Relationships

Dating: How to Fight Fair in Love

While it seems like fighting in a relationship is a bad thing, not fighting can be even worse. Fighting is healthy in love under the right circumstances (i.e. when you are not constantly fighting and, when you do fight, fighting fair). Whether this is your first fight as a couple or, well, your twentieth, there are some simple rules to remember when you are fighting with the one you love.

True Love

Do not bring up every other past argument or issue the two of you have had in the past. You need to focus on what is going on now, not rehash old issues that (were hopefully) already dealt with. Past issues are not ammunition for your current argument.

fighting

Do not insult each other. Remember: deep down the two of you love each other. Hearing the one you love say something insulting about you (or you saying something insulting about the person you love) only makes things worse. Plus, it is impossible to “un-hear” such things. Think before you speak.

On that note, do not name call or use profanity. Be respectful of your significant other and expect the same from them. These childish tactics get you nowhere.

Respect

 

Do not point fingers. While it may be clear to you that they were in the wrong, this will not help move things forward. This just makes your partner feel worse and keeps you and your argument right where you are. You are aiming for a discussion of the issue here; pointing fingers is just a tactic for stalling and placing blame…neither of which are fair nor are going to resolve your issue.

fighting for love

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Fight Fair

Articles about relationships, Dating/Relationships

Dating: How to be Happier in Your Relationship

There comes a time in any relationship where you realize things have changed. Maybe you notice that you don’t go out as much as you used to, dates are less romantic or even nonexistent, and conversations aren’t as thrilling. In general, the honeymoon period is over and now you find that your relationship is a little lackluster and you feel taken for granted. In small doses, that’s normal. However, there is no need for you to stay that way! Here are ways to be happier in your current relationship:

Find Happiness

Go out on dates with your significant other on a regular basis. With everything going on in your lives at work or with your family/kids, it’s important that you take time to appreciate each other. But don’t just go out to dinner and sit across the table from each other in silence as you mentally go through your to-do list for the umpteenth time or sift through Facebook on your phone. Go out and act like a couple. Sit on the same side of the booth, go somewhere romantic, watch the sunset and stay out until sunrise…most importantly though, be proud to be seen with your significant other…and make sure they know it.

 

Whenever possible, go to bed at the same time, even if one of you wakes up earlier than the other to get things done.

 

Express your needs to your partner and listen when they tell you theirs. Act accordingly.

 

Hold hands when you walk or at least walk next to each other. It’s about spending time together, not following each other around like lost puppies. You’re out together so be together.

 

Put your phone down and focus on your significant other.

 

Create and develop common interests…even if it’s just a T.V. show you two watch together (although ideally your interests will spread outside of the living room/family room/bathroom/ conservatory/ whatever room your T.V. is in).

 

Read the rest of this post on Heyy App’s blog!

 

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Articles about relationships, Dating/Relationships

Dating: Signs You Are Not Over Your Ex

It happens. You fall in love and you fall, well, hard. Despite how much time has passed since the split or even the who, the whys, or the hows of the break up itself, there is still a good chance that one or both of you is hung up on what could have been. Being stuck on the relationship that failed could keeps you from moving forward in your life and, ultimately, makes you unavailable to anyone else. So here is the big question: Are you over your ex?

Here is a list of signs that you are NOT over your ex yet:

help me get over my ex

Their Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Goodreads, or some combination thereof is constantly pulled up on your screen. You find yourself eager to hit refresh and study their latest posts for insights into their new life or clues for how to win them back.

You constantly talk about them even though all of your friends are sick of hearing about him/her. You can’t help it–they are so fascinating!

If they were to call you, you would pick up right away regardless of what you are doing. After all, the wedding will still be going on when you reenter the church. Same with texting. If you would mess up your wet mani or crush your chest mid bench press in order to reply to their text right away, you are so not over them.

You offer to walk their dog, house sit, clean, cook, or what have you…for free. Worse yet, for “fun.”

Instead of ending with a goodnight kiss or a plan to hang out again, your dates tend to end with the other person storming off because you, yet again, have called them by your ex’s name. You probably also spent all night telling them about said ex and comparing them accordingly. Tsk tsk.

You drive by their house even though it is out of the way. You tell yourself you’re “just wondering if they’re home” or “you enjoy the drive” or something equally unconvincing, even to yourself.

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we broke up

Articles about relationships, Dating/Relationships

Dating: The Lies of Online Dating

Online profiles present people with one of the most tempting opportunities: a chance to “become” someone else. In other words, online profiles are littered with lies. These range from padding physical descriptions to pretending to be single to using old pictures to making up hobbies and interests and everything in between. With each click of the mouse and tap on the keyboard, users of these profiles have the opportunity to revamp their life by embellishing the truth…at your expense.

Is his profile a lie?

So what can we do to find love in a sea of falsified profiles? Well, just sit back and hope for the best. Just kidding. Sort of. Ultimately, you have to take every profile for what it’s worth: a mere glimpse of a possible person…a sort of abstract painting. This dating profile is not nor will ever be a full coherent picture until you meet in person, false information or not.

But what can you do to weed out the liars before wasting your time on an in-person meet only to find out they are two feet shorter, twelve years older, and three kids deeper in life than their profile suggests? Well, here is a place for us all to start:

Is their relationship status true? You would hope that a person on a dating site would be single, but that isn’t always the case. Most people do this to gain more interest in their profile for means of flirting, general attention, or even just for sport. This is one of those lies that will eventually come out on its own through time and conversation (ideally they will fess up to the truth themselves). Or you casually Google them and find their wedding registry from a few months ago.

Thinking that the person might be padding (or un-padding) their height, weight, build, etc.? For this one, it might be safe just to assume that they are always going to be off by a little bit. After all, people are not exactly reliable when it comes to self-reporting, and self-image is no exception. This is where the pictures come in handy, so long as they are current.

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Is her online profile a lie?

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Dating: The Wrong Times To Say ‘I love you’ for the First Time

While there is never really a right time to say, “I love you” for the first time, there will always be a few wrong times. These are a few of them:

 

  1. When you have just met this person and are still unsure of their name. Worse yet, when this person is still a complete stranger.
  2. At any point during the first date.
  3. In the midst of an argument. It doesn’t matter if you’re bickering about the laundry or fighting about finding out your lover ate the last piece of cake without taking your hanger into consideration. During an argument is not the right time for the first I love you, no matter how much you mean it.
  4. When you are found hiding outside of their window.
  5. When you are saying it just to say it or merely because you think it’s trendy to be in love. Living a line is not trendy.
  6. After you sat back and watched them fall madly in love with someone else.
  7. After being caught cheating or lying, no matter what the degree.
  8. When you stand them up on a date.
  9. After somebody else has just told you that they love the same person. You want your words to be unprompted and if you use this time to say, “I love you” for the first time, it might get brushed off as a mere echo of another’s words.
  10. When you are on your way to or from a strip club or similar venue.
  11. Via text from across the room.
  12. Via text from the bathroom.
  13. When they are getting married to another person. Let’s all have some tact. Figure your feelings out before it’s too late.
  14. When you’ve professed your romantic love to ten other people that day.
  15. When you are not 100% sure that you mean it.

 

Ultimately, number 15 has got to be the deciding factor. Saying, “I love you” to someone will always be the wrong thing to do regardless of time, place, medium, etc. if you don’t mean it. Love comes from the heart and so should the words.

Articles about relationships, Creative Writing, Dating/Relationships

Dating: Love Will Knock You Down

One day you will kiss the wrong person hello because you are eager not to feel alone. The kiss will be plastic and there will be no spark but you will stay anyway. A hand held remains warm for a while, even if there is no fire. You are tired of being cold.

Love Will Knock You DownOriginal Image from flickr

One day you will fall for the wrong line because you are a lover of words that weave their way through your soul and make themselves at home in your heart. You collect these words in clips and phrases so they fit into your memories until they have grown sour with time. You will try to tear them out of your past and out of your mind but you cannot keep them from their home. This is something you will learn to understand because you know words are more than “just words”: they are moments and ideas that expressed something you thought would never be captured, and yet there it was. Hold onto that even if it hurts.

One day you will leave the “right one” for the wrong reasons. You will wake every day wishing you could take it all back, but what’s done is done. Find comfort in the fact that there will be a time you will leave the “wrong one” for the right reasons.

One day you will hold back an apology you should have said. This will be the apology that floats like a tumbleweed through your body, resurfacing when you let your mind wander back to all the times you could have said those words but bit your tongue with pride instead. Learn to say sorry; learn to set yourself free.

One day you will promise someone a premature “I love you” because you want so badly for that to be true. However, love cannot be forced. You can make yourself say the words but you cannot make your heart feel something it does not. One day you will figure that out, but not before somebody gets hurt.

One day you will bleed from pain caused by someone you care for. May the offense be little or large, your blood will spill the same way tears fall: slowly at first and then faster and faster until there is nothing left for you to offer. From the middle of the pool you will cry out, but no one will hear you. There you will sit until you learn to stand on your own two feet once more. When you stand again you are strong, but not immune.

Use that strength to start over.

{{Originally published at Thought Catalog.}}

sad love quotes

Articles about relationships, Creative Writing, Dating/Relationships

Dating: What The Person You Deserve Is Like

You deserve love and security, a combination that warms the core of your heart. You deserve knowledge that the person you are with wants to be there and, more importantly, won’t run away when times get tough. This is someone that will stay by your side, fight your fights right there with you because they know you would do the same for them.

The Person You Deser(1)

You deserve someone who laughs at your jokes and smiles at the mere sight of you smiling. This smile will be genuine, not fake, and you will feel butterflies when you see it and your smile will grow until your cheeks can no longer take it.

You deserve someone who brings you coffee in the morning because they know the addiction is real. You deserve breakfast in bed, flowers “just because,” and hugs that feel like you are at home.

You deserve hands that only reach for you. They may be dry, cracked, calloused, perfectly manicured, or a complete mess, but they know you, your hands, and your body. They don’t reach away to know more.

“We are a species that needs and wants

You deserve someone who doesn’t make you cry, at least on purpose, because you are human and you feel deeply and love passionately, and when one teardrop falls there may be a thousand more, but you are not alone. Even though they hurt you, they hold you until the shaking stops, wiping away your tears and kissing your damp cheeks although you whisper for them to stop. They will say sorry and you will feign being mad until you both give in to happiness again because you know anger is a state the two of you cannot remain in.

You deserve someone who takes responsibility for their mistakes and who apologizes for the times they unintentionally hurt you because you would do the same for them. You deserve someone who can forgive as you do, even if neither of you can completely forget.

You deserve someone whose touch feels like fireworks across your skin, whose eyes always look for yours when they enter a room, and whose heart never yearns for the attention of another.

You deserve trust that may waver but never entirely falter. It will look nothing like control. It will look like freedom but with your best friend by your side holding your hand. There will be moments of jealousy, but these will be outweighed by smiles, laughter, trust, and love.

You deserve back rubs for no reason, dinner you don’t have to make alone, a hand to hold, a heart to feel, and a person who cannot imagine life without you in it.

You deserve security just as much as you deserve spontaneity. You will be comfortable but not so settled down that stubborn roots no longer give you the nutrients you need to grow. This person you are with will try the things you enjoy and you will try the things they do as well. You will find new things to do and new places to go because you both love to share these sorts of moments together.

What the Person You Deserve is Like

You deserve someone who pushes you to be better, to seek out the best opportunities for you even if the next step is terrifying for you both.

You deserve chocolate when you are cranky, a partner to indulge in your guilty television pleasures, and someone who tries to kiss you even though they just watched you puke up breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This is the person who laughs when you correct their grammar instead of getting mad, the one who knows they had better text you back, and the person who understands that you will not always have your “A game” out on display.

You deserve someone who wants to be better for you, someone who strives to be better for you, but, most importantly, you deserve someone who wants to be better for themselves. This is the type of person who will grow alongside of you and never dream of holding you back.

You deserve someone who is looking at the big picture in life, and that picture has you in it.

You deserve someone who continues looking forward, someone who doesn’t stop constantly to look at the past. They may not like everything about who you were before, but they love who you have become. They know not to let your past trip them up for too long. You both came into the relationship with baggage that slowly unpacked itself and, even though it would be easy enough to pack up your things and go back to your respective homes, you both stay.

deserve

You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them, a life that is so beautiful that you cannot tell if you are awake or still in bed dreaming, and someone who doesn’t so much as put one foot out the door because they know you are not the person to walk away from. This will be the person who sticks around through thick and thin because they want to, not because they have to.

You deserve all of this and so much more, and you deserve it for a lifetime.

 

Originally published at Thought Catalog.